Loving someone is vulnerable, laborious, and perhaps the most deeply rewarding human endeabour. When relationships begin to lose sight of admiration and fondness, counselling gives us the ability to transform conflict into connection.
Understanding Gottman Method Couples Counselling
Conflict is an unavoidable, natural component to human relationships, romantic or otherwise. What we often have difficulty with is how we conflict with one another. Being understood and appreciated by our partner(s) is integral to sustaining a healthy relationship, but this can become much more difficult to achieve when emotions run hot and miscommunications build. Caught between the pull of love and the push of exasperation, the challenges our love lives bring are unmistakably human.
Couples can experience an enormous spectrum of challenges, as unique as the individuals who compose the relationship in the first place. Similarly, the weight these conflicts carry changes depending on the history and emotional context we are operating from. Issues can arise from within any realm of a relationship’s purview; intimacy, domestic obligations, life-planning, family dynamics, and misaligned goals are just a few common reasons couples seek counselling. Often, our individual histories or tendencies can affect how we show up for one another. Experiencing past traumatic relationships, asynchronous communication/attachment styles, or intimate betrayals are other, often complex, sources of tension.
Of course, this list is non-exhaustive and cannot encompass the exactness of what you may be experiencing. No matter the challenges you and your partner(s) are facing, we’re here to embolden your communication and admiration for one another. That is the Gottman Method.
Gottman-style Couples Counselling in Vancouver
Developed by Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is a structured approach to relationship counselling that is built on 40 years of empirical evidence. The goals of this method are to repair conflicting communication patterns while fostering intimacy, respect, and empathy within the relationship. One unique aspect integrated into this method, called Love Maps, provides rich explorations into your partner’s unique inner world, and is designed to build deeper connections with one another.
Mastering conflict is not about how often you can “win” an argument. In fact, the outcome of the conflict is arguably less important than the process of conflicting in and of itself. Instead, the success of the Gottman Method is demonstrated in how you are able to attentively and compassionately navigate your problems, together.
Realigning our communication patterns is an undertaking that requires thoughtfulness, connection, and trust. Yet doing so brings a wealth of benefits to how you interact and exist within your relationships, both romantic and platonic. Clients who have utilized the Gottman method report feeling increased competence in conflict resolution, deeper connections to their partner(s), and prolonged relationship satisfaction.
Our Approach to Couples Counselling at Nightingale
Generally, you and your partner will find Nightingale to be warm and inquisitive from the outset. Inquisitive because we believe that the best counselling begins with clarity about what exactly the problem is before offering pathways to solving that issue. So while many couples arrive having already heard about one style of counselling or another, including Gottman Therapy, we like to begin with an introductory session that helps collaboratively locate the best path for the therapy to take. And of course, that path might follow a winding road, and our counsellors will help with that too.
At Nightingale, our counsellors draw insights from various sources of wisdom, the Gottman Method being just one. Our strength is thus derived from how we may uniquely compose an approach to couples counselling that feels best to you. Through a dynamic, expertly informed perspective into your love life, unique activities and homework, and powerful in-session moments of guided connection counsellors provide a pathway to relationship healing, stability, and nourishment.
You can expect a course of Gottman Therapy to include Attachment Theory, Emotion Focused Therapy and even portions of more individual focused therapy, depending on the needs of each member of the partnership. This form of blended or ‘ecclectic’ therapy has higher efficacy in many cases than ‘orthodox’ courses of therapy. However, Gottman can serve as a wonderful dominant approach if it resonates with you.
Meet the Clinicians Who Offer Gottman Method Couples Counselling
Not every therapist is the same. That’s a good thing — it means you can find the right fit. Read the bios below to choose from our available couples counsellors, or get in touch with our Intake Coordinators who will get you to the starting line.
Faranak Ghorbani, RCC
Faranak’s work with couples benefits from a dynamic wealth of methodological knowledge. Alongside the Gottman Method, her therapeutic approach is strengthened by her training in attachment theory, as well as her clinical focus on parenting and emotional regulation. For her, healing is sought through a collaborative lens, strengthening your relationship through compassion and understanding.
Check out Faranak’s full bio here.
Melanie Fernandez, RCC
Couples counseling with Melanie is a collaborative effort based in compassion and connection. By utilizing the Gottman Method, she is able to facilitate a warm environment to learn and explore how to foster understanding. Her therapeutic focus on childhood trauma and anxiety further bolster her approach to couples, offering valued insights outside of the realm of just one singular approach.
Check out Melanie’s full bio here.
Bernadette Yeo, RCC
Bernadette’s strength as a counsellor is found in her ability to identify, and heal from, disconnection. She employs Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, an approach that acknowledges your relationship with your own thoughts and feelings, and is wonderfully complemented by the Gottman Method. Her work with couples encourages a broader perspective, one that nurtures our strengths while cultivating new ones.
Check out Bernadette’s full bio here.
Why Nightingale is Right for Gottman Method Couples Counselling
Nightingale Counselling is foundationally client centered. This means that your own expertise is foremost when deciding what feels best for your relationship. We’re here to build off of that in ways that make your love feel lighter, and more joyful. We ensure our best possible care by providing a breadth of counselors from various backgrounds and modalities, adaptable scheduling, community centered care, and flexible intake approaches.
All of our counsellors trained in the Gottman Method are further equipped with complimentary modalities. Counsellors borrowing from Adlerian Therapy benefit from the ability to masterfully emphasize the value of personal choice, and the importance of cooperation and community. Another therapeutic style that couples may find additional help from is a trauma informed approach. Understanding how our traumas can show up in a partnership can be difficult to identify on our own. By joining these methodologies together, counselling can help pinpoint potential triggers, find reassuring language, and promote feelings of safety and appreciation. Lastly, another complementary modality that your counsellor may use alongside the Gottman Method could be Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT draws from attachment theory, emphasizing how our emotions shape ourselves and our connections to others. By enhancing our emotional awareness, long lasting change can be sought through transforming maladaptive emotional patterns.
What to Expect in Your First Gottman Session(s)
Our couples counselling structure is usually initiated in four stages. At your first session, all partners will meet with a counsellor to get a good feeling of fit, and to ensure all perspectives are heard from the get-go. Next, each of you will meet with the counsellor individually, before returning together for a fourth session.This is a proven, evidence-based structure of successful couples counselling. From there, whatever your schedule, the Gottman Method can be employed through ongoing sessions to enhance and deepen your relationship at a pace that feels best for you.
Fees, Insurance, Bookings, and Online Availabilities
At Nightingale Counselling and Research, we seek to serve our local community and make our care as accessible as possible. While we operate primarily out of our Granville location, we also have additional service in our Squamish and North Vancouver offices. Online counselling sessions are also available for those who live farther away.
All of our counsellors provide online and in-person therapy options in order to best serve our community. We see clients seven days a week, with sessions usually ranging from 9am-7pm depending on the counsellor.
Our fees are set in accordance with recommendations by the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC). Hourly sessions range from $175 — $240, with Sliding Scale options available to a limited number of clients. To learn more about our rates, click here. Our administrative team are able to direct bill for most insurance companies.